What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
