her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
