yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
