we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
