I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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