Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
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It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize