yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
this beer tastes like vomit already
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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