did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
