i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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