She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
