It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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