Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
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I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
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Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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