Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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