My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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