By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i've created a new STD.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
