Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
