You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
