They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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