They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
