i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
