I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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