Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
