I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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