He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize