I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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