Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
