KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
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I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
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Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Two words: blizzard sex
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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