he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
