Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
