I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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