the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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