i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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