Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
