did you get engaged???
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
