I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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