Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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