the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
wakey wakey hands off snakey
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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