Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
