Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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