my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
