the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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