Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
