you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
