I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
false alarm. still invincible.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
