I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
