Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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