you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
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curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
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All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
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