I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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