They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
