just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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