what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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