It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
