Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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