My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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