Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize