i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
