he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
