he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
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I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
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CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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