This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
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