I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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