You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
