Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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